


Belonging

by UnapologeticallyMeatwad



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, Deconstruction, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Jedi Kinda Suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnapologeticallyMeatwad/pseuds/UnapologeticallyMeatwad
Summary: "And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity.  Can you feel that?"
Relationships: Rey & Luke Skywalker
Kudos: 11





	Belonging

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched The Last Jedi for the first time ever last night. I waited as long as I did because I honestly didn't feel like watching it when it came out. I've been very jaded towards anything Disney is making, but seeing Knives Out convinced me to see it. I liked it, for the most part. I'm mentioning this because this fic is a story about Luke and Rey, where I try to articulate my feelings about the movie. I think what Luke says about the Force needing to belong to more than the Jedi is powerful, but isn't contextualized within the film. It works more as meta-commentary towards the prequels, so this fic is an exploration of that idea. I hope you like it.

Rey makes time to meditate every day that she can during the war. It's not easy, of course, considering how the majority of what she knew to be the Resistance is now dead. Now that both Rey and Luke Skywalker have very adequately showcased the true strength of the Force. Now that inserting Rey into every mission is a no-brainer.

Rey is a cog in their machine. If the Resistance were to lose her, it would be fatal. So she feels lonely. Sometimes she even feels angry, so maybe it's good that she's lonely.

She's a street rat from Jakku, a planet she is sure that has been over-sighted by everyone, including the Resistance. It would be easy to desert the efforts and go back, and maybe even live a happy life. But Rey feels indebted to these people.

Rey mostly meditates because according to the Ancient Jedi Texts — which incidentally are not page turners — Jedi who are properly focused and centered should be able to make contact with the ghosts of like minded Jedi. She can only assume that Luke was one such Jedi.

(She returned to the island and found no traces of a corpse, as if he just vanished into the Force. She can only assume that he did.)

Rey sucks at meditating though. She can cross her legs for hours — well, minutes really, she doesn't get hours — and her mind will never empty itself. What's even the point of emptying your mind? Isn't that dangerous?

Maybe Master Skywalker was right and that the Jedi were full of shit. Given how General Organa seems to roll her eyes at the thought of a _Jedi Order_ , that is likely the correct train of thought.

At least her mind doesn't mesh with Kylo Ren's anymore; she knows his kind all too well. Handsome creeps like him were all over Jakku, and they would seduce girls like her. Come, spend time with me and I can get you out of doing this horrid thing. Be with me and I can save you. Stuff like that. But then the girls would get used up and tossed out the door.

But Rey never had that experience. Her parents threw her out onto the streets early-in enough for her to learn to never get close with anyone.

(See, this is why Rey sucks at meditating. You can't think about these sorts of things and still hum _oooooooohhhhmmmm. Oooooohhhhhhhhhm._ It just doesn't work like that.)

There's a loud _Boom!_ and Rey falls from her chair, flying flat on her face. The ship rocks and alarms go off. They probably just took another hit from the First Order, and now everyone is stampeding down the hallways, screaming directives and strategies.

They never yell at Rey though. Everyone in the Resistance just assumes that Rey will be good, climb into an X-Wing or something, and do something heroic. They _definitely_ take her for granted, which she understands seeing how their lives are at risk more than hers.

The Force gives her an advantage. She can take shots no one else would be able to confidently take, and can predict movements before they happen. It's kind of like she's cheating.

Rey doesn't mind though; her favorite part about the Force is that it gives her the power to blow shit up. She knows Master Skywalker would not like that admission of her truth; he might even say something snarky to make her aware of how horrible she is. But it's not like Rey _can_ know any better — these Jedi texts suck and none of these ancient techniques are working for her.

So Rey blows shit up and things stay simple.

* * *

"Rey, are you up to this?"

General Organa's voice is white noise. She definitely just explained some very nuanced strategy to her, and Rey wasn't really paying attention. She tuned out early in, not out of any disrespect, but out of fear. _He_ is on this Star Destroyer, and _he_ is going to face her. It seems impossible at this point for Kylo Ren and Rey to be in close proximity to one another, and then for them to _not_ have some sort of climactic face-off.

"Yes, General," Rey lies.

"Oh, you're full of shit," Leia shakes her head, limping past Rey to check some last minute schematics. "It's fine, I know that you know what to do."

Rey nods, teeth clenched.

Leia's eyes stay glassy.

"Though, I'd prefer it if you could repeat that all back to me at least."

Rey bites her lip, and looks back out at the Star Destroyer they will soon be boarding.

"I board the Star Destroyer with Finn. Meanwhile, Poe distracts them while I work my way through so I can kill General Hux and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren."

There is a long silence, one long enough that Rey turns to face Leia to check her facial expression. Rey can't pinpoint what exactly, but she knows she just said something very wrong. She half-expects Leia to pull a Luke and say, " _Amazing. Everything you just said… is wrong."_ But Leia is snarky in a different way, and besides, too grounded and relied upon for her to get silly with the girl.

"Rey, honey," Leia says slowly. "You're alone, remember? The First Order knows by now that us having Finn poses a serious security problem for them, so they changed up enough things that we can't really rely on his intel."

Rey nods. She sort of remembers that being a problem last time they tried one of these. Finn nearly died, and Poe was kicking himself for trying a same-old-same-old kind of strategy for weeks. So now Finn is just another starfighter. Rose too.

"General Leia," Rey says very slowly, and very carefully. She gulps down — something (she's stressed.) "With all due respect… I… I don't even understand this war. I don't understand what the First Order wants, and what we are even protecting. None of this affects Jakku. I don't think it's fair for me to go alone."

A dark light gleams in Leia's eyes, but the old woman bites her tongue. She is remarkably patient for someone so occasionally snide. "Why are you bringing this up right now, Rey?"

Rey shakes her head. She doesn't really know. She obviously could have brushed up on the politics at play, instead of pouring into those dumb Jedi texts that don't really say much more than _Jedi must remain abstinent and never give themselves over to any individual, else they may be consumed by their own greed and ambition._

When Rey doesn't say anything, wrinkles form in Leia's forehead. The general reaches forward and pats Rey on the shoulder. "Kid. We're the good guys, remember?"

Ugh. How annoying.

"I know that," Rey hisses, and walks off. She mutters under her breath, "I just don't know if _I_ am."

* * *

Rey kills ten Stormtroopers all within sight of Kylo Ren. He stares at her from down the hall, still as a statue. His face is drained and colorless, though his eyes gleam yellow with hatred. She misses his helmet; it made things easier. She can take a few guesses as to why he removed it however.

When the last Stormtrooper dies — and so pointlessly he dies, she thinks — Kylo Ren steps forward and lazily draws his lightsaber. "I sense your thoughts. You are in conflict."

Rey grits her teeth, and draws her own blade, igniting it long before he does. "I'm not doing this with you."

Kylo Ren smirks a little, satisfied in her anger. "You don't want to fight this war. You feel like you are being used as a tool by General Organa. You aren't incorrect."

Rey shakes it off and marches towards him quickly. Likely a poor strategy, but one she must implement if she wants him to shut up and fight her.

"Rey," Kylo Ren urges. "Stop this. Join me, you know that I'm the only one who understands you. Join me, and we can squash the Resistance. They are on their last legs, you — " His words catch in his throat as she swings her lightsaber at his neck. But of course he blocks the killing stroke with ease. " — know this. You know they are stalling. Millions of people wish for this war to be over, they don't care about who wins. You wouldn't care either had you not been drafted. So — "

Rey pulls back and spins her blade in a circle. The blue blurs and makes it hard to track. She aims a stab at his chest, which he parries. She falls back. If Kylo Ren didn't have access to the Force, that would have killed him. She hates that her only enemy is the one who has the same strength as her. Though she knows he holds back in their fights. They have yet to have a fair duel.

"I'm going to kill you," Rey sneers, and she feels herself drift farther and farther away from the Jedi Order. "Fight me for once, you monster."

He grins. "If I actually tried, you would — oh — oh shit," he falls back again, narrowly avoiding a quick succession of five strikes. His wrist folds back painfully as the last swing strikes his saber. He flashes his teeth at her, and bends down into a fighting stance. "You're angry, you're — "

Rey blots him out; she has to. She's too kind, she keeps trying to listen to these people whether their pleas to her are in good faith or bad. It never helps her. So she falls into that silent place. She doesn't think of the ethics or the pathos, she just moves and shifts with the sway of the Force.

Kylo Ren does the same.

The fight feels choreographed in that way. Both combatants pull from the same energy, and that energy tells them to do things that the other can obviously predict. So they just get more and more tired. She hardly understands where his lightsaber is going. The red beam appears in so many places, but she always knows just where to move her blade to block his.

Rey sweats, and her breaths come harder to her. She tires. For a moment, she breaks her concentration and looks Kylo Ren in the eyes. It's bizarre; she actually forgot she was fighting someone. So she retreats back to the Force and lets it guide her.

It's nice. She is so directionless, but the Force moves her limbs for her. It points at things and says, _Do this._ Rey needs that.

But eventually — _Hiss._ — Kylo Ren's blade cleaves through Rey's elbow, and she falls down in anguish, howling in pain. She was foolish. Kylo Ren is stronger and more practiced than her — of course he would eventually gain the upper hand. He moves in towards her slowly, face twitching in his anger. He raises his blade high, and Rey bows her head.

This is how the Resistance dies. _Good_ , she thinks to herself. _They put too much stock in a nobody like me._

But Kylo Ren's blade never falls on her.

"You — no, you're supposed to be dead, how are you — "

It's Kylo. His voice is rough enough to grind space craters into a plateau; he is livid. She hears his footfalls as he stumbles back. Rey looks up with glassy eyes and sees a hooded figure standing directly before her. His withered hand clutches a lightsaber that glows blue.

What.

No. He _is_ dead, how can he —

Luke Skywalker glances back at her, nose barely passing the hem of his hood. " _Stay calm, Rey. Be with the Force, and we can exist together."_

Luke turns away and stalks after Kylo Ren.

"Oh shit," Rey swears under her breath, clutching her bloody elbow. "Did I just meditate by accident?!"

Kylo Ren sneers at Luke, then looks directly at Rey. "You're more powerful than I thought," he cackles in that low, dulcet tone. Inky like molasses. "To conjure a projection like this… it's astonishing."

Luke shakes his head. Rey can't see him, but she knows him well enough to know how he'd move, how he'd react.

" _Ben, have you heard the old Jedi proverb? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?" Because we would be very foolish to try the same strategy twice, though your anger does make you susceptible to such a thing."_

Kylo's eyes widen and pull away from Rey and focus on Luke. "But… you're not…"

" _I warned you, Ben,"_ Luke says. " _Strike me down, and I will always be with you."_

Whatever that is, it must be a direct quote that Rey couldn't possibly know, because _that_ is what convinces Kylo Ren that this is a real bona fide Force Ghost. Kylo Ren screams bloody murder, face twisting with how wide his mouth gets, and charges the Force Ghost. Obviously, he can't hit shit when Luke is like — not actually there — so Rey leans back.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Is that actually a Jedi proverb or some shit Luke made up? But from what she can tell, shame on Kylo because Luke is once again helping Rey escape.

* * *

Rey finds an escape pod quickly. The moment the thing throttles into space, she feels something tugging on the Force, so she releases her hold on whatever that is. Immediately, she sees Kylo where he stands. Alone in that hallway, a pile of corpses pooled around his feet. His eyes narrow, this time it seems, he can actually see where Rey is. But he is powerless to stop her.

Rey looks out the window and sees the escape pod fly along the length of the Star Destroyer. She looks back at Kylo Ren, eyes burrowing into her soul. How sick she is of that man. How sick she is of all this.

Hundreds of soldiers and commanders are inside this vessel. She can imagine General Hux at the helm, wet lips curled up his cheek as he destroys the Rebel scum.

Rey tries something.

The metal plates around Kylo's feet _hiss!_ and _crack!_ as the nuts and screws pop up. The panels bend at terrible angles, the floor shifting. Rey focuses harder, and the hallway ripples like a wave. Everything shifts and rattles and falls apart. Kylo Ren's eyes widen, because he knows what Rey is trying to do.

He could probably try to stop her and risk his life… which explains why he runs away. Coward.

Rey grins and tugs harder on the Force, calling for it to help her. She loses sight on Kylo Ren, but that is fine. She knows enough of this Star Destroyer. All throughout it, throats are squeezed. Bodies fall to the floor. Panelling rips away from the walls. Cables blister and wrap together before erupting. Things that can blow up do. People die miserable agonizing deaths.

Then there's an explosion along one of the Star Destroyer's wings. She knows it wasn't anything her fellow Rebels did; she knows she did that. She grins, and the explosion chains into another one. Orange light ignites along the wing in a string. More and more, bit by bit, the Star Destroyer erodes as the Force tears it apart.

Rey sees little gray dots shoot from the belly of the machine. Escape pods. She bets she could stop them in the air and crush them like grapes. But then she'd lose focus on the Star Destroyer, and she must focus very deliberately if she is to do this.

It takes a long time. But then one wing crumples like a tin can, even though it's far larger than that. More explosions and eventually, the entire Star Destroyer explodes in a magnificent display. Hundreds die, maybe thousands.

Rey's smile fades fast, once the light show is over. Because she still hates this war, hates how it means nothing to her, and hates how she just committed a massacre of people she didn't understand. All because someone told her she was one of the good guys.

Rey doesn't remember anything for the next few minutes.

When she boards the Rebels' ship, Rey flops onto her knees and screams. Her face goes pink from all the crying. Her fingers shake, and they can't quite catch a grip on General Organa's cloak. Rey runs her head into Leia's hips, and she feels wrinkled hands run through her hair, and Rey is sure that this is what mothers and daughters do. But it still feels like nothing.

Finn is the first to find her. "Rey! Rey! That was incredible! You just like — " He stretches his arms out and mimes like — a breast stroke or something, it's all very surreal — and imitates the sound of an explosion with wide, dazzled eyes. "Like, I didn't know you could do that!"

Rey tries to keep her mouth flat and even. She wipes the last of the tears from her eyes. "Yeah," is all she has strength for.

"Yeah?!" Finn shouts back. "Rey, you're a hero, you're — "

* * *

Rey gets a vacation finally. The First Order is still up to no good, but has definitely been holding back more than usual, now that Rey has such a reputation for being a stone faced killer.

Vacation gives her time to practice to meditate, and seeing how Rey now has more thoughts than ever, it's much easier to tune them all out.

Thus, an empty head.

Thus, Force Ghosts.

Luke Skywalker sits besides Rey on her crummy bed in her cramped room. He looks at her with such sorrow, and reaches out to get some of the hair out of her face, but she flinches. He lets his hand fall back to his thigh. " _You're scared of me._ "

Rey nods, trying and failing to hold it together. She really didn't want to talk to him, she really just wanted to mediate and have a clear head so that she wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

" _Why_?" Luke asks.

Rey can't look at him. "You — I — I was just thinking… that if… that if I was your, erm, Padawan — " she tries the word on for the first time. She notes how Luke's eyes widen; he didn't know she stole the books. " — instead of Ben," oh how horrible that word is, how dishonest it feels. Kylo Ren doesn't deserve to be called that ever again. " — I was thinking of how you would have tried to kill me that night instead."

Luke nods, eyes so glassy. The shame is obvious. _"I would have,_ " he says and it hurts her so much. _"But that doesn't mean it would be right._ "

Rey thinks of everyone she killed. There's no way to get a number on that, but she knows it was a lot. "It would be right, I think."

" _Hm,_ " Luke hums. " _I am so sorry for you, Rey._ "

Luke's voice cracks; it isn't like him. She knows he was softer a long time ago, but she never quite got to meet that side of him face to face.

" _Do you remember what I told you about the Force? How it shouldn't belong to the Jedi?"_ Luke says.

Oh, not this again.

" _I stand by that. It appears you know what happened to the Jedi now, uh, you did read the books, right? I figured because you know what a Padawan is…"_

"Yes," she says.

" _My father was ruined by the Force. The power was intoxicating, and because of what the Jedi imposed on him, he cracked under the pressure,"_ Luke shakes his head. " _I don't understand how they didn't expect it, or prepare for it. If you horde power like they did, you doom yourself to destruction."_

Luke reaches out again to shift her sticky hair away, but it doesn't work since he's not tangible. He frowns and looks at his lap. " _I am not angry or disappointed in you for what you chose to do. You fight like Hell, kid, I'll give you that."_

Rey frowns, her impatience overcoming her. "What is the point of this?"

Luke frowns, as if he forgot himself, and then gives himself a second to smile. " _You've been so lonely your whole life, haven't you? No one has tried to show you anything of beauty."_

Rey nods. That is true. But she doesn't see how —

" _I want to teach you about the Force, but not the destructive mess this war is making you use,"_ Luke explains. " _I want to teach you about beauty, about happiness, in hopes that maybe you'll find a way to give the Force to those who don't want to be warriors and knights. I think that would be good."_

Rey doesn't say anything. Luke watches her patiently, and when he waits for a bit longer than he would like, adds on, " _Those are my wishes. You don't have to do that, I just want to help you somehow, because_ — "

Rey lurches towards Luke, and ends up slamming her head on the headboard. She leans back, rubbing the bruise on her forehead. "Ow."

Luke blinks, doubletaking between the headboard and her. " _I'm sorry, but what the fuck was that?"_

Rey grins past her pain. "I wanted to hug you. But I forgot you're like…" She feebly waves her hand through the air, trying to illustrate something.

Luke's eyes widen. " _Oh, a ghost, yes. I am… a ghost. That's very sweet of you. Uh. So that's… that's a yes?"_

Rey nods. "Yes."

Rey doesn't really come to an understanding of the war, she just fights in it. But overtime, she forgets about Kylo Ren and how invested in him she used to be. She thinks of the people trying to be kind to her, and she thinks of how this could be considered a family.

Sometimes she doesn't think at all, and that's when she gets to talk to Luke.

It… it gets better. It doesn't sting so hard anymore. Rey feels… she feels better. Than before. It's something.


End file.
